Wanna Career?!? #Resilience #GRIT #Goal Setting #Adulting
So, most students are now off for the summer and savouring the break from the relentless academic grind. I think now is the perfect time to work on those non-academic skills that help you successfully complete your program and transition to the workplace….eventually.
The Canadian Conference Board of Canada created this beautiful little document summarizing the skills that employers are looking for. This is the skillset that you want to start building if you want to become employable and in the drivers seat of your life. Wanna drive?!? Well, start building your skills in the following areas: Academic Skills, Personal Management Skills and Teamwork Skills.
Ok, now you know, no excuses 😉
Yes, I know, life can feel overwhelming (me today) at times, it can feel like you were just not born with the natural ability (neither was I), it can feel like you will never have what it takes to finish your program (I grew past this with practice and experience, and a wee bit of whining sometimes!)….
Well, if you have been following me for a while, or you know me from the college, you probably know what I am going to say next 😉
Feelings are NOT facts!
…let’s get our “Wise Mind” kicked into gear so that we can build these skills!
*Check out one of my previous posts for more information about your Wise Mind.
The best way to get into your Wise Mind, and get building those skills, is to listen to both your Emotional Mind and your Rational Mind. Tell them both to cooperate!
Emotional Mind: “I have NO idea where to start! EEEEeeeek!” (probably some swearing is inserted here, or negative words about yourself)
Rational Mind: “There is an actual list from some smart researchers that tell me what I need to work on to increase my employability”
Wise Mind: “Ok, breathe, you got this, breathe, start at the beginning and take it step-by-step…sigh…breathe…Step #1, Personal Management Skills”
Personal Management Skills
I have matched some, not all, of my previous posts that can help you to build the skills that employers are looking for.
Positive Attitudes and Behaviours
- Self-Concept: Yes, How You Feel About Yourself and Your Ability Does Effect Your Success
- Academic Self-Efficacy: Upgrading Your NeckTop Computer
- Perseverance, GRIT, Follow-Through: a.k.a “White-Knuckling it” Through Tough Times as You Achieve Your Goals
- Transition: Optimal Time to Focus on Personal Wellness
Responsibility
Adaptability
Want to Change Your Attitude?!?!
#StopComplaining #Adaptability #Resilience #YouStandOut #Adulting
…and become the potential employee that everyone wants to work with.
Shoot me a message and tell me about your experiences stretching yourself to grow into the successful student and future employee you want to be! #ReactWell
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
Apps, Apps, Apps: Little Tech Wonders That Leave Us Wondering
Apps!
The Solution to All of Your Problems.
…ok, maybe, but how do I use them?!?
I am definitely guilty of suggesting apps to people without sending along some tips to make using them effective and easy. I have learned that simply suggesting an app to use is not enough. Teaching people how to integrate the technology into their lives is the key to benefitting from what the app has to offer. Any lasting change needs to become part your daily life and your way of being in the world. My suggestion is to be patient, take small steps, be kind when you forget (or fall right off that wagon!) and know that it is only the direction that you are heading, not how fast you get there, that is important
How to
an App into Your Life
I scoured the web to see if there was any information about how to integrate the use of an App into our lives. I found nuthin’, nil, zero, nil, zilch, zip, nada, diddly-squat…
What I did find was a bunch of brilliant lists of suggestions, which is super exciting, but with no tips on the “how” part. So, once you start using these review/suggestion sites, you can find a plethora (I know! cool word!) of app ideas, the next step is to figure out how to use the app and integrate it into your life so that it can create the benefits that you are looking for.
Tips n’ Suggestions
Goal Setting
You really need to start with a goal. Goals are what help us get through the painful times. When you feel stuck, you need to be clear about WHY you are doing all this yucky stuff, the stuff that you are procrastinating about, the slogging.
Ask yourself the following: What is it that I want to improve? Why is this important to me? How will this help me to get where I am going and create the life that I want? Where will I insert this change strategy in my life (practice times)?
Here are a few goal setting posts of mine to get you started:
- SMART Goal Setting Tip Sheet
- Emotional Intelligence Building – Self Actualization “Goal Setting”
- Motivation: When Goal Setting is Not Enough
- Goal Setting: Why am I Doing This Again?!?!
- Goal Setting: Pain + Fun = Motivation
Readiness to Change
First and foremost, you need to be ready to change, to grow and take on the sometimes scary task of moving forward with no idea about what the path and outcome will be like. Change is hard; “deciding” to change is the first step.
- Check out a previous post of mine to help you understand your readiness level: Stages of Change
Self Knowledge
It is important to have an understanding of how YOU work. What your preferences are. There is a personality assessment called the Myers-Brigges Personalty Temperament (MBTI) that is a great place to start on the path to understanding your way of being in this word that is most effective.
Quick explanation of the MBTI…there are 4 scales on the MBTI:
- Extroversion (E) – Introversion (I): Favourite World – Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world?
- Sensing (S) – Intuition (N): Information – Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning?
- Thinking (T) – Feeling (F): Decisions – When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances?
- Judging (J) – Perceiving (P): Structure – In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options?
Free! Take a free version of the MBTI online: CLICK HERE
J-P Scale Interpretation for Life Change:
Judging – Perceiving Scale: The best scale to focus on to help you understand what your ideal circumstances needed to change your behaviour; structure vs flexibility.
With Judgers:
When integrating an app into your life…
- Create a timetable and stick to it.
- Allow time to prepare and learn about the app, the features, how it works in your life, what your goals are, etc.
- Select an app that has the option to show your achievements and results. Take time to notice how far you have come, your progress, decisions, self-knowledge and behaviour change reached so far.
- Set smaller goals that lead to your larger goal. Create milestones.
With Perceivers:
When integrating an app into your life…
- Allow time for things to flow, not necessarily following your calendar, but still be dedicated to “keep trying”.
- Try new new ideas to create possibilities.
- Know that you need time to reflect and be creative.
- Use this app in a way that encourages personal freedom and choice (use some features and not others).
- Realize changes in direction are not necessarily impulsiveness
Persistence
It takes time to change! Please don’t just try something once and then abandon it. If you are serious about personal growth, you need to allow time for your brain to change and create the neural pathways needed to build this new habit. It can take anywhere from 21 days, to 40 days to 245 days, depending on the person, the habit and the circumstances needed to have the new behaviour stick around. Source: University College of London
- Check out this post by a fellow blogger for more information about building habits: The 21 Days to Build a Habit Myth
Integration
Integrating the use of the technology into your life is the key to staying power. If you really want to change, you need to make the commitment to fitting in the strategies, the steps and maintaining the stamina. Yes, my, just now brain brilliance (temporary) approach: 3S’s…SSS! Follow the suggestions above and you will find yourself closer to actually making the app’s wisdom play a positive role in your life.
Mindset
Make a Mash up!
A mashup is a song or composition created by blending two or more pre-recorded songs, usually by overlaying the vocal track of one song seamlessly over the instrumental track of another, to the extent that such works are “transformative” of original content.
Source: Wikipedia
Just like your favourite mashup songs, integrate apps into your life with the same philosopical approach. Find the best parts and create something even better that is more personalized to you and your learning goals.
Get Started with This App!
Happy App-ing!
Feel free to message me if you would like some suggestions for apps to try around mental health & wellness 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Counsellor * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
Motivation, Motiva, Mot: ZZZZZzzzz Huh?! Wait What?!?!
Shout Out to All College Students!
The semester is coming to an end and likely, so to is your motivation to keep on task. Oh how I remember the semester end so well. I just lost all my drive and energy to conquer the intense feeling of being overwhelmed all the time.
I would go through rapid cycles (and sometimes still do) of “ok, I can do this, no problem, I got this” to “I just want to quit!!!!” I was consumed with thoughts of wanting the relentless pain, and lack of sleep, to end. I just wanted a life without constant negative mental chatter, the mental nagging (“you should, should, should…”) and immense pressure to do well (or at least finish).
I thought the timing was right to share the various things that have worked for me during these very challenging times. Yes, I still do all of these things at various times in my life, because they work. I am defiantly not one of those people who gives advice that I do not take. I walk the walk. I suck it up and do what it takes. I feel stronger and better for having pushed myself. The more I rise to the challenge, the easier it has been to deal with future challenges.
Take a moment and grow your resilience, lean into your life, roll up your sleeves and move toward strength and resilience. Below are some Tips, Tricks and Hacks that I recommend for getting you through this heinous, painful, overwhelmed moment in your life. Yes, moment…it will not be forever….feels like it…but…feelings are not facts 😉
I will start with organizing the motivation enhancement hacks into two categories: Mindset and Perseverance.
You can’t get anywhere if your mindset is working against you and your mindset alone in not enough, you actually need to stop thinking about something and just do it.
MINDSET
- Wise Mind: Foster a Wise Mind. Get your Thinking Mind and Your Emotional Mind to smarten up and be friends and work together toward the wisdom it is going to take to get stuff done.
- Tweak Your State of Mind:
- Do things deliberately to change your state of mind. If you are feeling low, do things that elevate your mood. Get Started with the Following Ideas: “22 Ways to Change Your State of Mind“.
- Use motivational quotes to shift your thinking and offer a wider perspective.
- Use positive imagery. Imagine yourself at the end of exams. Are you proud of yourself for persevering? Imagine all the times that you wanted to quit and didn’t.
- Perspective:
- This pain is temporary! “This too shall pass” is what I hear when my inner 4 year old starts tantruming and saying “I don’t wanna…whaaaaaa”. I move to “seriously, Heather, you are way to old for this whining, stop this, get it done, you are being a baby”. I would feel way worse, in the long run, if I just quit. I know this because I have quit in the past and regretted it.
- Opportunity Focus: This is an opportunity to build, grow, become more resilient and to see what you are made of. I believe that we are who we are in the tough times, so work on building your strengths and be awesome in the times where adversity comes along and sucker punches you.
- Personal Responsibility: Show up in your own life. Be the main character in your story. Work first, play later. Start adulting! Yes, this is not just a message for young people because many of us 40+ year olds fight being an adult too sometimes 😉 Do what you know you need to do, not just what you “feel” like doing. Don’t wait for others to do it for you, or to motivate you. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, do it now.
- Bolster Your Self-Efficacy: This is about building a positive believe about yourself and your abilities. Carve out a moment in your chaotic life to reflect on what you have done well in the past, examples of where you wanted to give up but you didn’t, take an inventory of what comes easily to you and just take the time to purely notice what is actually going well in your life.
PERSEVERANCE
- Make a Plan: Set goals, big and then smaller steps toward those goals. Take on bite sized pieces, take breaks and reward yourself. If you try to do too much too fast then you will burn yourself out or you will make so much work for yourself that it will be hard to even get started.
- Stay Active: When you keep your momentum going by keeping yourself on track, following your plan, you will find that the momentum you have is much easer to maintain….because science says so 😉
Newton’s first law of motion – sometimes referred to as the law of inertia. An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. BE THE BODY IN MOTION! Avoid the unbalanced force of distraction, doubt and negative thinking.
- Hang Around With Motivated People: Study with people who are good for you, that you can learn from, that are feeling overwhelmed like you but work hard to remain in their wise mind and just get work done. These people can become role models who inspire you to push yourself beyond what you thought you were capable of. This is the quintessential story of my life. I am a people watcher (a.k.a vicarious learner) and I have managed to take what I witness and put it into action in my own life.
- Do The Hardest Thing First: Seriously! It is the thing that you dread the most that is killing your confidence. That BIG chunk of work that is sapping your motivation to get started. Often this is just in your head and how you see this task. Shut off your judgemental and fearful thoughts and get going on this task, in small manageable pieces, step-by-step, until it is done. Just do your best in that situation, with the time that you have. It is better to hand something in rather than nothing.
- Make It Fun: check out a previous blog post: Pain + Fun = Motivation
Some of My Favs
Motivational Quotes That Kick My Butt into Action
“The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow” – Unknown Author
“Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8” – Chinese Proverb
“Dont’ stop when you are tired, stop when you are done” – Unknown Author
“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire” – Unknown Author
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear–not absence of fear.” —Mark Twain
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” —Jim Rohn
“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” —Wayne Dyer
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” —Margaret Thatcher
“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or
control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” –Ella Wheeler Wilcox
“There is no traffic jam along the extra mile.” —Roger Staubach
“Adversity can change you for the better, if you let it”
Known to be said by me, to many of my students. Sometimes they roll their eyes, but sometimes they take the advice and become the main character of their story.
Now get out there, shut off your critical mind, get some momentum, work first and play later and just get ‘er dun!
*Today’s blog post was brought to you by a very under motivated person who used GRITTY strategies to make it to the finish line 😉
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Counsellor * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
Resources:
- Motivation Strategies That Work
- 27 Motivational Strategies
- 4 Strategies That Build Lasting Motivation
- 100 Motivational Quotes That Will Inspire You to Succeed
Hardwiring Happiness: Take the Leap, Really, It’s Worth the Risk
Today I want to talk about your brain, your wonderful beautiful changeable brain. I am hoping that you will take in what I say today, not with defensiveness or with the notion that I am in anyway blaming you, or people who are suffering, but with the intention of helping you become empowered in your own healing.
I have been working in the mental health field since 1996, in various capacities, with all ages and backgrounds of wonderful humans. What I do know is that people can become incredibly resilient if we get out of the way and let the process take flight. Please do not misunderstand my message in today’s post and think that I am against medication, because I am definitely not. I am just opposed to the notion that medication is all that is needed in the mental wellbeing and healing process. If we want to change/grow, we need to do the work. Period. Full stop. Some of the most inspiring humans that I have met along my own journey are folks who have come from, and through, extreme adversity. Whether that be childhood trauma at the hands of a trusted adult or being born into a country that is in unimaginable crisis, these people found the strength to move through and flourish. I have learned so much from their stories of perseverance, letting go, letting be and growth after the trauma. It seems that if we have to endure adverse circumstances, we can, if we let ourselves face it and grow from it.
Ok, there it is, my point of view (which is shared by many incredible research psychologists and counsellors/therapists/mental health interveners). So, if you are in for the most amazing ride of your life, and feeling close to taking on the challenge of change, let’s start with a framing mindset for today.
MINDSET for Today:
I am jumping in with everything have,
whether I sink or swim,
at least I took that leap of faith.
*This statement inspires me and calms my soul.
I would love to have a very wise woman, like Dr. Maya Angelou say this to me when I am going through hell or a crisis of confidence in my life. It is her voice I hear.
PsychNerd Time!
I am calling in the big guns so that you believe little ol’ me when I say that you CAN actually change your brain. I want to share with you some tidbits from a book I recently read, by the one
and only, incredible neuropsychologist Dr. Rick Hansen, Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence (2013). I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that this is, yet another self-help book telling you that the answer to all your troubles is to just “think positive!”…and how do I do that again, you ask?!?! Well, this book presents the latest neuroscience research behind happiness and explains how you can reprogram your brain to focus on the good, rather than obsessing over the bad.
Quick Video Snack
….to Help You Get to Know this Amazing Researcher, Psychologist and Human…
Highlights from the Book….
I want to give you one quick tip from this book to get you started. If you are ready to change, and in the mindset for taking on the hard work of leaping toward what your life could be like, then I highly suggest you buy this book (I am not receiving any kickbacks from this, just think this is a great resource). The most important reason to spend your money on this life guide is that Rick Hansen talks about the importance of “taking in the good”, how this practice can change your brain and how to do this.
- Take in the Good: This is a deliberate practice of making positive experiences stick around a little longer and linger in our implicit memory (part of our long term memory). He has created four steps to help you take in the good, which are easy to remember with the helpful acronym, HEAL.
Have a positive experience.
Enrich it.
Absorb it.
Link positive and negative material.
*Check out chapter 3, page 60, to learn how to do this.
My Advice for Today
Stop focusing on what could go wrong, and start focusing on what could go right.
Negative is not “more true” than than positive.
ALSO…
According to this Happiness Study: 52% of your life destiny is up to you and what you do to enhance it, despite your genetic background.
ASK YOURSELF…
Believe me from my professional experience and my personal journey
…the risk is definitely worth it!
Read Hardwiring Happiness…and live your best life.
Leave a comment, question or feedback…share your experience 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
RESOURCES
Academic Self-Efficacy: Upgrading Your NeckTop Computer
Did you know that you are walking around with one of the most amazing computers right on top of your shoulders!?!
Yes, your NeckTop Computer! Even this wonderful organic machine needs software upgrades now and then. Teach it how to learn, remember and adapt. By consistently learning, you upgrade your software, which makes your life so much easier because you can understand information at a quicker pace, store that information longer and be able to show off just how much you have learned by being able to handle those pesky quizzes, tests or exams 😉
Brain Facts
- About 100 billion neurons make up the human brain.
- Each neuron connects approximately 10,000 neutrons together.
- The human brain weighs about 3 pounds.
- The cerebral cortex grows thicker the more it is used. That means you have more neural networks to process information and more memory capacity. The more you learn, the better your brain gets.
- For all of you environmentalists…your NeckTop computer is powered bio-electrically! Just eat things that are healthy for you…feed and power this computer!
Learning How to Learn
Learning how to learn starts with developing your Academic-Self Efficacy; the belief that you have the skills necessary to successfully complete your courses and that you have the ability to improve, when necessary. For example…
- Knowing how to schedule time to accomplish tasks.
- Knowing how to take notes.
- I knowing how to study to perform well on tests.
- Knowing that you are good at research and writing papers.
- Knowing and feeling that you are a very good student.
- Having the experience of usually doing very well in school and at academic tasks.
- Consistently finding ways to make your academic work interesting and absorbing (even when it is not at first).
- Knowing that, despite obstacles, you are very capable of succeeding in your post-secondary program.
4 Ways to Develop Academic Self-Efficacy Beliefs
- Performance accomplishments: The experience of mastery influences your perspective on your abilities. Successful experiences lead to greater feelings of self-efficacy. However, failing to deal with a task or challenge can also undermine and weaken self-efficacy.
- If you avoid doing class presentations because you feel anxious or nervous, you never have the opportunity to improve, adapt, develop skills and believe that you can do this. Yes, despite how anxious you are, you can learn to at least survive presentations. I did.
- Vicarious experience: Observing someone else perform a task or handle a situation
can help you to perform the same task by imitation, and if you succeed in performing a task, you are likely to think that you will succeed as well, if the task is not too difficult. Observing people who are similar to yourself succeed will increase your beliefs that you can master a similar activity- Look around your classroom and your life. Who seems to “have it all together” or seems to know how to write papers, to study or to write tests. Ask them about their process. Observe, try and improve based on the experience of others.
- Verbal persuasion: When other people encourage and convince you to perform a task, you tend to believe that you are more capable of performing the task. Constructive feedback is important in maintaining a sense of efficacy as it may help overcome self-doubt.
- Ask for feedback from friends, classmates, professors/instructors or tutors. Learn from the constructive; learn from the encouragement.
- Physiological states: Moods, emotions, physical reactions, and stress levels may influence how you feel about your personal abilities. If you are extremely nervous, you may begin to doubt and develop a weak sense of self-efficacy. If you are confident and feel no anxiety or nervousness at all, you may experience a sense of excitement that fosters a great sense of self-efficacy. It is the way people interpret and evaluate emotional states that is important for how they develop self-efficacy beliefs. For this reason, being able to diminish or control anxiety may have positive impact on self-efficacy beliefs.
- Learn about YOUR brain. Learn more about this awesome computer. I have written extensively on emotion regulation, stress management, anxiety, check out some of my other posts to learn more about managing, understanding and improving your own NeckTop computer.
Adapted from the following source: Click Here
Step-by-Step Process
- Academic Self-Efficacy Mindset: Start with building your Academic Self-efficacy mindset (above). This prepares your mind for the software upgrade process
- Study Skills Questionnaire: Start with an assessment of your study skills tool kit. What you have; what you need.
- Study Skill Toolbox: Make a list of skills that you already have. Make a plan for the areas you would like to improve (upgrade the software).
- Software Upgrade: Start searching online or in human interactions, for tips, strategies to learn different ways of improving in the following areas:
- Project Managing Your Academic Experience: Organization & Time Management
- Note-Taking Strategies: Capturing the Knowledge
- Leaning into Your Studies: Attitude, Learning Style, Active Learning and Memory Enhancement.
- Being Tested: Strategies for Writing Quizzes, Tests and Exams.
- Learning to Communicate: Research and Writing Skills
- Presentations: Learning the Tips & Tricks
- Working in Groups: Strategies for Making the Process Smooth and Effective.
*I used to have a 1969 VW Beetle that I painted red foot prints running from the back, over the top to the front. I could totally post rationalize that it was because I so strongly believed in the step-by-step human growth and change process, but really it was because I loved bare feet, I was very poor and the red paint was free 😉 I have grown 😉
Study Skills Questionnaire
Let me know what you think, what topics you would like me to cover or ideas you have. I would really LOVE to hear from you 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
Stressed?!!? Well Let’s Start With ‘Feelings are NOT Facts’
Drowning in your feelings? Feeling overwhelmed?
I was going to write about study strategies today; however, I have been completely overwhelmed by the emotional pain my students have been experiencing lately. So, I thought that maybe study strategies would be a wee bit too lame of a topic under the circumstances. I have decided to share the perspective, the strategies and the experience of others (you are definitely not alone in this) that happen every day in my counselling office. Why should all this great information stay in a counselling box?!?! …me thinks…
So…Here I go…
Emotions, Emotions, Emotions
Blah, blah, blah…what are these feelings you speak of?!? Well…let’s start here:
Emotional State
Yes, emotions can be VERY scary. I am not saying that they are not or that you shouldn’t “feel” a certain way. What I am doing is challenging you with the following questions: How do you want to react to the emotions? How do you want to live your life? What emotional house do you want to live in?
Yes, you have a choice.
A choice that requires a bunch of commitment and work. It is not easy, but I assure you the hard and scary change/growth work is well worth the struggle to get there. I do this every day in my own life. It gets so much easer with practice, so much so it has become a habit for me. I get it, it’s hard, but come on! Give it a go. What do you really have to lose? Oh, yeah, you may lose the constant suffering version of yourself. It all seriousness, this can be a hard shift. But still, let’s imagine a different life experience.
Let’s start with a seemingly simple formula that I will base the rest of this post on:
Emotional State + Emotion Regulation =
Pretty Awesome State of Personal Empowerment
I love this graphic! This little cutie pretty much says it all.
This is often the look I get when I am talking about the possibility of change with my students.
Yup, Getting PsychNerdy on Y’all Again!
Just sharing the “FACTS” about emotion regulation, just to let you know that it is really possible 😉 Science says so!
There is some pretty great recent research looking at a bunch of different findings combined all together in a beautiful Regulatory Flexibility model. Ok, that is psychnerdy speak for taking all the best stuff and mushing it together in a way that people can understand and use easily in research and in their lives.
People respond to stressful events in different ways, depending on the event and on the regulatory strategies they choose. Coping and emotion regulation theorists have proposed dynamic models in which these two factors, the person and the situation, interact over time to inform adaptation. Source: Regulatory Flexibility: An Individual Differences Perspective on Coping and Emotion Regulation by George A. Bonanno & Charles L. Burton
Translation of Fig.1: So you have a stressful event in your life, you look at what it will take to work through it and decide if you can handle it, you then start using your coping skills, then decide if the strategy solved your problem or not. The flexibility part comes in as you keep on persevering and/or trying different strategies to cope. This is how you build resilience and adapt beautifully in life.
So now what? You ask!?!
Here are some coping skills to throw into this Regulatory Flexibility model 🙂
Emotion Regulation Strategies
Let’s build some…
“We are not responsible for what breaks us, but we can be responsible for what puts us back together again. Naming the hurt is how we begin to repair our broken parts.” – Desmond Tutu, The book of Forgiving
EMOTIONS (What FEELS True) + EVIDENCE (What is ACTUALLY True) =
Balanced Approach to Examining Information
*Don’t rely on how you feel alone. Feelings are great, but on their own, they may not be completely accurate in terms of the message being sent. Just because you feel it does NOT make it true. Look for the evidence.
Recipe for Writing a New Chapter in Your Life Story
Start with taking responsibility for your life.
“If you could
kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”― Theodore Roosevelt
…Then start writing a new story.
“If you own this story you get to write the ending.” ― Brené Brown
Writing prompts…
“I am a person who feels lots of things but they don’t define me. I am a person who takes responsibility for my own life and experience. I am a person who will work hard to create a life I love. I am….”
Here are some tools to get you started on creating a new life story:
Your life is your story. Write it well and edit often!
My Advice On …
Take a deep breath, and then another one, foster a self-compassionate mindset, examine those feelings and don’t assume they are facts.
Please don’t ever feel that I don’t want to hear your thoughts…I do! Send ’em along 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
Wanna Change? Give Mistakes a Huge Hug!
Last week I wrote about Prospective Hindsight as a means to better manage our lives by understanding our behavioural patterns. If you missed it, take a moment to take a peak, especially the advice delivered by a 4 year old around goal setting and self-compassion. So insightful!
Which leads me into my blog post today. Your gonna need a self-compassionate mindset to tackle all those goals you have set for yourself this year. So many people give up their learning and growth plans because of one slip, one setback, one bad experience or one mistake. PLEASE DON’T! Because learning and change takes time. It is an evolution. It is all about direction NOT perfection. So set those goals, head in your desired direction and enjoy the journey.
Mistakes are not tools of mass self-concept destruction; they are wonderful little tools to help us clarify and learn so much more about ourselves.
If you don’t believe me, check out the very reputable Huffington Post and learn about 9 Powerful Lessons We Can Learn From Our Mistakes. See! Even they agree 🙂
Pull Up A Couch
…and check out this great TEDTalk from the fantastic, and very popular author, Elizabeth Gilbert.
Success, Failure and the Drive to Keep Creating
Elizabeth Gilbert was once an “unpublished diner waitress,” devastated by rejection letters. And yet, in the wake of the success of ‘Eat, Pray, Love,’ she found herself identifying strongly with her former self. With beautiful insight, Gilbert reflects on why success can be as disorienting as failure and offers a simple — though hard — way to carry on, regardless of outcomes.
Even she experienced setbacks, mistakes and disappointments. So if we want our lives to be different, lets pull on our gown up pants and start looking at mistakes as guides, sherpas, teachers…not self-esteem wreckers.
Change
For Students
Over the next few weeks, I am going to start uploading a series of videos that I have created to help enhance the learning process. I truly believe that any type of life training, whether that be in a conventional school setting, on the job or in your life, learning can change everything for the better. For me, school profoundly changed by life by allowing me to gain greater control over my ability to support myself and my destiny. I believe that people can learn and grown and the following topics are what I know to be the most fundamental skills needed to succeed in any learning endeavour.
- Project Managing Your Academic Experience: Organization & Time Management
- Note-Taking Strategies: Capturing the Knowledge
- Leaning into Your Studies: Attitude, Learning Style, Active Learning and Memory Enhancement.
- Being Tested: Strategies for Writing Quizzes, Tests and Exams.
- Learning to Communicate: Research and Writing Skills
- Presentations: Learning the Tips & Tricks
- Working in Groups: Strategies for Making the Process Smooth and Effective
There is no need to base your entire student self-esteem on past experiences. When you know better you do better. So let’s start making some mistakes together, feel a wee bit awkward and then start enjoying your new found success skills!
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
