Your Phone is a Tool Not an Appendage! and Other Healthy Mind Shifts
Again, not slagging tech because any tech is AWESOME, we humans are just not so awesome, YET, at using it as a tool that we pick up and put down and walk away from.
Tech Disruption Part #3
This post is Part #3 in a three part series about mental health and your smart phone. Check out Post #1 and Post #2 to learn why reevaluating how you infuse technology into your life is important to your mental wellbeing.
Two Kinds of Tech People
In my last post I had 6 tips for helping you get you started on spending less time with your phone. I figured that you may just be a little tired of listening to a ‘digital immigrant” so I went searching high and low, through many remote places, to find just the right expert to interview, a real life digital native…just kidding, I just had to look next to me on my sofa 😉
I interviewed a real millennial, a extraordinary digital native, a human who has never seen a world without WiFi and computers/tablets (I know…super weird). Jack Snell is a 17 year old high school student who really loves watching videos on a tiny screen in the same room there is a 72″ television.
Please take a moment to check out his advice on healthy engagement with two very popular social media platforms, Insta and Snap…See! This digital immigrant can still sound cool 😉
Now on to a much more interesting Digital Native…
Handling Social Media
By Jack Snell
Click for Full Article: Handling Social Media by Jack Snell *More Info Here
Pros:
- It allows you to share information and pictures with friends, family and that dude that you don’t know but seems like a good guy and likes all your stuff.
- Powerful tool to create your online and real life image.
- Instagram is just a great place to indulge in whatever you find entertaining.
Cons:
- People’s self worth can be impacted or even dictated based on the amount of followers and likes that they have.
- Insta is a place for people to show off and make their lives appear to be better than they actually are.
How to deal:
- You will have to…Read Full Article..for his advice.
Pros:
- Gives you a quick, easy and fun way to talk to people, and with streaks and scores it can become a real life game.
- Because you are sending pictures AND text, you have the opportunities to use facial cues to express emotions and context that are annoyingly missing on direct messaging platforms. Emojis just don’t cut it sometimes.
- Like Instagram, it gives you an opportunity to express yourself and your interests through what you choose to send people and put on your story.
Cons:
- As I mentioned, it can become like a real life game… and that isn’t good. I’ve been there.
- Keeping a streak for the sake of keeping it is just weird. Yea, I’ve sent a shot of the floor or my left foot just to keep a streak alive but like… it’s so unnecessary. I doubt people in the 30’s sent blank telegraphs just for the sake of appearing to talk to each other.
How to deal:
- You will have to…Read Full Article..for his advice.
Social media is an amazing tool to connect and express yourself with people. That being said, it can also be extremely controlling. For positive mental health AND physical health, it is essential that we all make an effort to use social media in a more healthy way. Sometimes that might even mean not using it at all.
Thanks Jack!
It was great to hear your perspective and that you actively use strategies to make your social media experience healthy, fun and overall beneficial.
Great insights and advice!
When Jack is not writing about social media, he is actively posting and scrolling through Instagram pics of cars or writing about them on his blog. Check out his social media: Instagram or WordPress.
You know I couldn’t end without going a bit PsychNerdy on you 😉 So you now have heard from two people, one a digital native, and me, a digital immigrant, who both LOVE technology but are actively working on integrating it as a tool and not having it negatively affect our life. There is yet another area that social media can adversely affect your life and take some of the fun out of it. Now social media is interfering with your food intake and enjoyment!
Say What?!!?
There was a study done at Bringham Young University, “Satiation from sensory simulation: Evaluating foods decreases enjoyment of similar foods“, which found that looking at many too many pictures of food may actually make the act of eating less enjoyable.
Yes, it is called Sensory Bordom! Now that Instagram is even messing with your food along with your mental wellbeing, your social savvy and your self-esteem, you have a choice. Less time spent on this little device, which is hard, or continue and have your overall wellbeing nose-dive.
In Closing
Please know…
- One of the big reasons that we struggle with insecurity today is that we compare our ‘behind-the-scenes’ with everyone else’s ‘highlight reel’. So, keep this “top-of-mind” when you Insta-Creep. When you start feeling icky…drop that phone! Your life IS actually interesting.
- Being accustomed to having everything at a click means that you tend to keep your life within a comfort or familiar zone. So go out and take some little risks and try something new! Meet a friend in person.
- You need to stop looking for the “Like Button” in your life. This is NOT a measure of you as a person, it is a measure of social media influence/addictiveness only. How many times have you just mindlessly clicked “like” with very little emotion or thought? Why don’t you actually tell your friends that you liked their picture or, even better, that you actually like them (say it offline and in person).
- Your life can be more vivid than it appears on the internet, if you put your phone down once-in-a-while and actually live it.
#YouGotThis #LiveFully #MentalWellness
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
Don’t Eat the Marshmallow! and Other Miraculous Hacks for Phone-Life Balance
This post is Part #2 in a three part series about mental health and your smart phone. Check out Post #1 to learn why reevaluating how you infuse technology into your life is important to your mental wellbeing.
I am well aware that this is a difficult relationship to re-imagine, but this is possibly what is standing between you and living your best life. Again, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE, my tech toys, especially my smartphone. However, I am very aware of what it does to my self-concept, my time management abilities and my overall ability to focus on tasks. Ready to love that little tech wonder in a different way?
- Do you compulsively check your phone for messages (from any source)?
- When you are stressed, do you find that you spend more time on your phone?
- Are you noticing a loss of interest in face-to-face social interactions?
- Do you feel “lost” when you do not have your phone?
- Are you able to be in public alone and not look at your phone?
- Do you have trouble getting to sleep? Do you spend time on your phone before you go to bed?
If you said “yes” or even “sort of” to any of the above questions, I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship with Smartyphone.
PsychNerdy Stuff that Relates to Your Tech Toys
Marshmallow Test
Before I get too far down this rabbit hole, I just have to share one of my favourite psychology experiments, The Marshmallow Test!
In the 1960s, a Stanford professor, Dr. Walter Mischel, began conducting a series of important longitudinal psychological studies on the importance of delayed gratification (being less impulsive). I will let the videos below explain the fascinating and hilarious details of this study. My hope is that it will give you a little insight into the importance of learning to be less impulsive with your phone. If you get nothing out of it, at least you will see young kids struggling to not eat the marshmallow and the side-splitting strategies they try in the attempt to avoid actually eating it. I still LOL when I watch these vids 🙂
Resisting the Marshmallow
A Little Extra for You Fellow PsychNerds!
Delayed Gratification, Impulse Control, Digital Dieting, Tech-Life Balance, Mindful Use of Tech, whatever you want to call it you have a choice. A healthy brain or a brain that struggles. A successful life for your future self can start with living more in the real world and less in the digital world.
The Marshmallow Study makes one thing clear: if you want to succeed at something, at some point you will need to find the ability to be disciplined and take action instead of becoming distracted and doing what’s easy.
Ok, so I hear that you may be tipping in the right direction but have no idea how to actually stop eating the marshmallows (aka looking at your phone).
Here is a recap..
Eating 1 Marshmallow (Looking at Your Phone) = Building Psychological Distress
Waiting for 2 Marshmallows (Phone -Life Balance) = Building Mental Wellbeing
So, let’s talk about the very cute but large elephant in the room. FOMO!
In my opinion, this has got to be the worst side effect to this tech revolution. Studies show that FOMO leads to extreme dissatisfaction and has a detrimental effect on your physical and mental health – mood swings, loneliness, feelings of inferiority, reduced self-esteem, extreme social anxiety, and increased levels of negativity and depression.
So, put your phone down! The person who texted you (or Snapped) will be there later, the person in front of you won’t be.
Simple Tips to Spend Less Time on Your Phone
- Turn off Notifications:
- Every time that phone buzzes you are prompted to check it for that little dopamine rush in your brain. Do you really want to be a pavlovian dog?!?
- Get the Facts!
- Find Out How Much You are Using Your Phone. Check out this APP, Moment (IOS) or Quality Time (Android).
- Set Boundaries and Create “Living in the Real World” Time:
- Set up phone free periods every day. Go for walks, to the gym, to study, to lunch, etc. without your phone.
- Tech Break Strategy: “Start by looking at your phone for one minute and checking all forms of communication, including texts, calls and social media. Then turn it off, set the alarm for 15 minutes and place it face-down in plain sight. The upside-down phone reminds your brain to not release stress and anxiety neurotransmitters” Dr. Larry D. Rosen. Practice practice practice!
- Bedtime: No screen time 30 minutes before bed. This just fills your brain with rumination information (negative thinking) and light that messes with your melatonin.
- Get Some Sleep!
- When you are tired, it is way harder to fight the urge to check your phone.
- Try not to use your phone as an alarm clock, or at least set it to airplane mode or “do not disturb” when you sleep.
- Challenge Your “Real-Time” Convo Fear:
- Avoid succumbing to ‘texting syndrome’ by fostering a variety of communication skills. Don’t just rely on texts, Snaps, Instas or even emails. Try actually talking to people on the phone, or even better, in person. Force yourself, build this habit, it is worth it for your mental wellbeing.
- Fight FOMO!
- Stop Looking: The more you look the more you feel like you are missing out. Us GenXer’s could only imagine our friends out there having a great time without us, now all you need to do is scroll Instagram or SnapChat to get the full sad picture of everyone having way more fun than you (which is actually a lie).
- Perspective: Remember that people only post their best selves, the highlight reel, the incredibly curated selfie that took at least 20 shots to get. You are probably having a great time now, be in THAT moment.
Next blog post I will be going into more detail around how to manage specific challenges with applications such as SnapChat, Instagram and getting caught in the endless streaming cycle with YouTube and Netflix. Join me and please feel free to ask questions or suggest topic areas 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
Social Media, Your Beautiful Brain and a Need for Some #TechDisruption: 3 Part Series
Disruptive Technology
In 1997, the term “disruptive technology” emerged as a term to help people conceptualize the rapid growth and impact of technology in our lives. Super smart Harvard Business professor, Clayton M. Christensen, coined this term in his best selling book, “The Innovator’s Dilemma”. He presented the idea of separating new technology into two categories: sustaining and disruptive. Sustaining technology relies on incremental improvements to an already established technology. Making what already exists better. A disruptive technology shakes things up a little by introducing something completely new.
What I want to share with you today is disruptive technology for your “necktop” computer, your lovely brain. I want to start with considering the wiring of your brain and the positive and negative impacts that technology has had on our brain development.
This is definitely not a post slagging technology nor ripping on millenials. I LOVE technology, like seriously love technology! I just want to offer some suggestions around how to have a smart relationship with your phone so that it is mutually beneficial.
What Makes Me a Tech Use Expert?
Well, the reason I think this is an important topic is because I have had the benefit of being a bona fide member of GenX which provided me with a titrated tech experience. This slow drip of new technology created an environment perfect to learn how to love and own a smart phone without it owning me. So, I think I just may have some solid advice for you on your road to a healthy tech balance.
Ok, I hear you saying…
GenX?!?! Who? Well look up “slacker generation” and one of the first sites to appear on Google is GenX. Yes, millenials, we were once ripped on by society too 🙂 So you can trust me! Let’s start DISRUPTING!
Technology Running Amok
I want to start with helping you gain a better understanding of what happens when you let technology run amok, unsupervised, rampant and with no babysitter. You need to take charge of this trusted tech BFF and not allow it to secretly control so many aspects of your life. I hear from many of my students that the mere existence of social media makes it “way harder” for them than past generations. Yes, it is true, any new technology poses problems until us incredible humans learn to adapt to it. I am not going to let you off the hook that easily because you are the boss, not the tech! Human are adaptable.
I think learning how to use tech in a healthy way will require some background in brain science to convince you that this difficult learning, and behavioural shift, is important if you want to make technology a friend in your life and not a bully.
Want to Know More Smartphone Brain Science?
Check out this video to gain a better understanding of what your
little innocent phone is doing to you.
5 Crazy Ways Social Media Is Changing Your Brain Right Now
PsychNerdy Time!
With a Smart Twist 😉
I love psych science! It helps me understand this big ol’ world and learn ways that I can live very happily in it. I want to help you do the same.
I have already established my love for my tech toys and I definitely have no plans to live without them. My only option has been mindful tech integration in my life. Being strategic about how I consume and utilize these wonderful digital advances in a way that maintains the healthy brain that I have worked so hard to nurture.
I am going to sneak in a wee bit more psych-nerdy science to help you understand why disrupting your current smart phone relationship, and doing things differently, is actually an urgent matter.
There is a pretty incredible longitudinal study, The Monitoring the Future survey, which has asked students in grade 12 more than 1,000 questions every year since 1975 (and students in grade 8 and 10 since 1991).
This survey asks teens how happy they are and how much of their spare time is spent on various activities. Here are some highlights:
- Teens who spend more time than average on screen activities are more likely to be unhappy, and those who spend more time than average on non screen activities are more likely to be happy. All screen activities are linked to less happiness, and all non-screen activities are linked to more happiness.
- 10+ Hours of Screen Time: Teens who spend 10 or more hours a week on social media are 56 % more likely to say they’re unhappy than those who devote less time to social media.
- 6-9 Hours of Screen Time: Teens those who spend six to nine hours a week on social media are still 47% more likely to say they are unhappy than those who use social media even less.
More Screen Time = More Sad
More Non-Screen Time = More Happy
Want to Be Happier?
GO BE AROUND YOUR FRIENDS!
For the love of your beautiful neural network, PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE, live your life for a while and stand near a human.
#BrainLove #PositiveComputing #Digital Dieting
3 Part Brain Love Series
In the next two blog posts I want to help you develop tools that prepare you to manage your wellbeing. No, you don’t have to break up with your phone, but you do need to take charge, be the boss and stop being subtly bullied by your phone.
Here are some of the highlights of the next two posts:
- Addiction to devices and social media.
- Looking for the “Like Button”.
- Distraction and instant gratification
- The distortion of reality and the effect on your self-esteem.
- Strategies for healthy smartphone relationships.
Join me and start DISRUPTING this tech invasion and
truly make your smart phone your BFF 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
New Year? Build Some Badass Positive Habits!
This is Your Year!
You want to make some changes, take on some new challenges and keep developing into your best self. Whatever your goals are, the most important thing to remember is that this is a messy process, a beautifully messy process.
Don’t expect smooth sailing, or perfection, or the easy way out, if you want to grow. Personal development and change is all about geting out of your comfort zone. If you want your life to be different you need to do things differently.
Doing things differently does not have to be painful! Sustainable change happens at a pace that is manageable for you. Focus on small shifts everyday that lead toward your goal. Accepting setbacks as learning, and not letting them derail you, is an important perspective to foster. It is all about the direction not perfection.
Perspectives, Strategies, Approaches and Ideas to Get You Started
- Sustainable Progress: Just take it one day at a time. Your goal is to move in the right direction with patience and the acceptance of setbacks as part of the learning. Don’t try to change everything all at once, pick a few areas to work on. Small daily habits lead to long term growth.
- Write Down Your Goals: Use a goal setting method such as S.M.A.R.T.
- Make Your Goals Visible: Post them on your wall, create a card that you carry with you or create a vision board to remind you of where you are heading and why. Use this to visualize yourself accomplishing your goals.
- Personal Wellness Approach: Surround yourself with positive influences. Reward yourself often when you are on the right track. Believe in yourself, and your ability to work through adversity, by consciously remembering the times when you have overcome difficulty in your life (write these down for future reference!). Acknowledge your positive attributes by also making a list of what you do well. Be kind to yourself by avoiding comparison with others (you have no idea what the real situation is for them).
- Recognize Your Progress: “Feeling” like you are not succeeding is not fact. Feelings are fleeting. Take a moment and capture where you started and where you are now. Look at the facts.
Feeling Stuck?
Not Sure How to Even Start Building New Habits?
Not Sure How to Get “Doing”?
and read this!
How to Cultivate the Habits that Matter to You
Need Some Productivity Hacks?
10 Ways to Be More Productive in 2018
One of the most important things that I have learned is that your goals need to be your own, not for someone else, if you want to achieve them. It is going to get tough at times and you need to be clear why you are working toward this goal. At times, you are going to want to quit, but if you can really see yourself achieving this goal and what it will do for you, it makes the hard times easier to work through 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
Coping, it’s Not the F-Word!
It is this time of year that really gets me thinking of what people do to get through tough times. It can be a difficult month for so many people. What I have noticed is that people seem to use the word “coping” like the f-word, like a bad word, like a descriptor of a mental state of messiness (f^@%ed). But that is not true at all. Coping rocks! Adversity is an opportunity to put your skills to the test, to grow, to increase your adaptability, to learn that you, indeed, can do it. Read on, learn some new stuff, try some new stuff and surprise yourself with your ability to deal, even when you thought you couldn’t.
Life is messy.
Coping is happiness
What changed my life, and the lives of so many of the students that I have learned from in my counselling practice, is that when you accept adversity, or barriers, as learning opportunities in your life you flourish. You start to rock this life because you learn to bounce back with all those wonderful skills you build.
Yes, there is always a moment when life knocks you on your ass, and you just lay there and whine, complain and use every word in the profanity realm (yes, I do that too). Then you go, “okay, that happened”, get sick of your pity party and then start doing something about it.
“Adversity can change you for the better, if you let it”
Me
Perspective Shift! YOLO!
So let’s start looking at coping differently…
“In psychology, coping means to invest conscious effort, to solve personal and interpersonal problems, in order to try to master, minimize or tolerate stress and conflict” (Brougham, Zail, Mendoza, Celeste & Miller, 2009)
Take Away:
Coping is a good thing. Try to stop using that word to describe a bad mental state. Coping means you are rocking it. Coping happens at many levels. Sometimes it is small, sometimes it is big. It about doing something, not how big or small.
“Problems are not problems. Coping is the problem.”
Virginia Satir
Success and happiness depend on how well you can cope with the untidy, confusing, embarrassing, crappy or messy situations of the day. In the book, Peoplemaking, Virginia Satir, a legendary social worker, talked about problems not being the problem. Expecting life to not have problems is a big part of the problem.
Put on the Work Clothes and Kick Butt!
Start with accepting that if you want things to be different, you have to do things differently. Also, accepting that we will always be out of our comfort zone when we are growing and becoming our best selves. So let’s take on these “problems” and build our ability to bounce back and take on this life you have.
Here are some ideas that I uses daily, and highly recommend:
Work first Play Later
- The Art of Delayed Gratification: The Stanford Marshmallow Experiment (got you curious don’t I?!?!) – one of my favourite psychology experiments. Watch it Now!
Feelings Are Not Facts!
Get Some Sleep!
- Thoughts racing? Here is a great resource to help you with adding some z’s to your thought bubble 🙂 Check this out!
- Check out this TEDTalk to learn strategies to calm your busy mind.
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
References
- Brougham, Ruby R.; Zail, Christy M.; Mendoza, Celeste M.; Miller, Janine R. (2009). “Stress, Sex Differences, and Coping Strategies Among College Students”. Current Psychology. 28 (2): 85–97. doi:10.1007/s12144-009-9047-0.
Stuck? Overwhelmed? Make the 4A’s Your BFF #Resilience
Awareness – Acceptance – Adjustment -Action
Spoiler!
What you are about to read is not a slag to millennials, but rather a compliment!
Dear Millenials,
I know that you take a bunch of criticism from Boomers and GenXers, some if of it deserved 😉 some misinformed and wrong. So to balance out this perception, I am going to share a good news story with you…
I have just come back to work after a province wide (24 colleges) faculty strike where I had the privilege of waking in circles, for little to no pay, taking a strong stand for quality education (which is super important). No, I didn’t want to be doing this but the cause was irresistible since education changed my life profoundly. Integrity means supporting your beliefs even when it is hard. I want you to have the incredible educational experience that I had so that you too can create your wildest dreams life.
So, we faculty were all very nervous coming back, wondering what we would be met with as the student-faculty paths started to intersect again. What I found was pretty incredible behaviour from you millennials 🙂
So many of you were stressed and overwhelmed, which is absolutely normal since you had no idea what the plan was for you to complete your semester. Within a week, after the plans were clear, the whole campus feeling transitioned from freaked out to functioning beautifully. Students listened, asked questions and started getting back to work and professors listened, asked questions and supported their students. So many of you decided that you would “lean in”, listen and figure out your next steps. You got all gritty and motivated and made the next step toward your success. Nicely done!
My advice to you is look around you at the students who are leaning into their studies, not complaining about what happened (staying stuck) but rather doing what it takes to get their semester completed successfully, one small step by one small step. There are some pretty great examples out there in your classes, sitting right beside you. I am so impressed with your behaviour and resilient abilities 🙂
Well, this got me thinking about resilience building and a model that really helps bring the process to life.
Awareness – Acceptance – Adjustment – Action
Awareness
The first step in building your resilience is awareness.
- Be aware of what is going on in your body and your brain. Where do you feel tension? Is your body telling you that something is wrong?
- What are you feeling? Emotions contain information. Notice what they are telling you about the situation and yourself. If you are saying that you can’t do this, well that is exactly what your body is reacting to.
- Try this! Mindfulness Practice is a great way to get started: Check this Out!
*Overall, awareness is reading your personal signs and knowing that there may be something that needs to change.
Acceptance
This is the part where you say, “okay, that happened”.
- Feelings: Accept the way you feel is the way you feel. Feelings are are part of our natural response to experience. It is absolutely okay to feel disappointment, shock, sadness, overwhelmed or incompetent. But…
- Remember that just because you feel a certain way, does not make it true. You may feel like you can’t handle something or that you are a failure, these are just feelings. Feelings are not facts!
- Also, you don’t have to stay living in those feelings. Be careful how you interpret the message.
- Behaviour: Accept the situation for what it is, what you can and can not control. Do something to change the situation or change how you are reacting to it. I had an amazing professor who called staying stuck in things you can’t change as ‘baby wishes’. You can wish and wish and wish, but that will never change what is. This was a very helpful way of conceptualizing my stuck inner tantrum-prone 4 year old 🙂
Adjustment
This is where the “bouncing back” part of resilience begins.
This is where you start to make adjustments in your approach so that you can improve the situation. Asking yourself, How can I shift my attention and energy to something helpful?
Here are some tools to get you started:
- Attitude Adjustment:
- Adopt the attitude of making change happen in your life, not waiting for others to do it for you. You are your own advocate, show up in your own life. #MakeSomethingGoodHappen
- Radical Acceptance: Check out this funky little therapy trick!
- Cultivate Clarity: You need to have an idea of who you want to be, what qualities you want to possess and what you would like to accomplish in your life. If you know where you are going, the tough times are easier to navigate.
- Take on the Challenge: Be a person who deals with anxiety and overwhelming emotions by approaching them, not avoiding them. The very thing that scares you is the thing you need to run toward, not away from. *You can also walk or even crawl because it is the direction matters 🙂
Action.
Take action and do something.
Do it consciously and intelligently. Use your emotional awareness, even if your choice is not to act immediately. Consider the last time you were in a state of indecisiveness.
How did you feel the moment you made a decision and took action?
What positive changes happened as a result?
Adapted from: 4 Steps for Building Your Resilience
Still don’t believe me that this helps?!?!
Here are some facts to convince you tough ones out there…
PsychNerd TIME!
It has been a while!
I just can’t stop myself from dropping some nerd on you today 🙂
Here is some evidence that emphasizes the importance of cultivating the skill of acceptance. I highly recommend adding this to your self-development life “to-do” list, especially if you want your life to be less overwhelm and drama and more “I got this” and “I can’t believe how this has changed my life”.
Acceptance
Buddhist teachings on happiness have long held that accepting that which cannot be changed or controlled is key to reducing suffering.
So some pretty smart researchers, Broadbent, de Quadros-Wander & McGillivray (2013), found that “perceived control” is a very important learned ability that fosters life satisfaction, happiness and wellbeing.
Perceived Control has Two Parts:
Primary Control (External): the ability to make desired changes in your environment. Yes, you need to assesses the situation and see if there is anything you can do to make it better….and then do it.
Secondary Control (Internal): making changes within yourself to adapt to your environment; the acceptance of what can’t be controlled externally. You change your thinking about it, or work hard at stop thinking about it (stop dwelling on it), and start regrouping and designing your next steps.
*Both types of control are EQUALLY important in determining overall life satisfaction. Secondary Control, internal control, helped the research participants to cope with the losses in primary control that they had experienced.
I will end with the words of advice from a very wise woman….
“Bring your best self to whatever the challenge is”
Jennifer (Reid-Bicknell) Trapman
Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait/work for what you deserve.
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
References
Broadbent J, de Quadros-Wander S, & McGillivray J (2013). Perceived Control’s Influence on Well-being in Residential Care vs. Community Dwelling Older Adults. Journal of Happiness Studies; DOI 10.1007/s10902-013-9452-9
Trouble Sleeping? Sprinkle a Little Gratitude into Your Life
Here in Canada, we are celebrating Thanksgiving this weekend. I thought that this would be a great opportunity to get all nerdy on you and present some pretty great reasons to start infusing gratitude in your life.
The land that Canada is on was originally occupied, and cared for beautifully, by indigenous people. Since this land was taken over without negotiation, we Canadians could at least be grateful for the life that this land has given us. There is nothing worse that first world problem whining in a land of such prosperity. Ok, said my piece on why gratitude should be a given, but since it still seems to be a difficult task to master, let me tell you what a attitude of gratitude can do for your nocturnal angst.
Often the reason why people have difficulty getting to sleep, and sometimes remaining asleep, is what you think before you go to bed. Scared, fearful, anxious, freakout out thoughts keep you in a state of “fight or flight” in your brain. Seriously! Your brain kinda needs you to be alert if you are gonna use your fists or your legs to run away. So, my suggestion is to do the following:
Sleepy PsychNerd
There are some pretty smart, researchers at the University of Manchester in England who looked at how gratitude might affect people’s snooze time. Their study included over 400 adults of all ages, even some with diagnosed sleep disorders. They asked these folks to complete questionnaires about gratitude, sleep and pre-sleep thoughts, and these people provided some pretty cool information that resulted in the data being smooshed into patterns and trends that showed that gratitude was related to having more positive thoughts, and fewer negative ones, at bedtime. What this means is that gratitude leads to dozing off faster and sleeping longer and better.
Study Results
*With nerdspeak translations
Gratitude was uniquely related to:
- Total Sleep Quality: multiple measures of how you slept such as brain waves, duration, self-report of how you slept, etc.
- Subjective Sleep Quality: how you thought you slept
- Sleep Latency: fancy word, in sleep science, for the length of time that it takes to accomplish the transition from full wakefulness to sleep.
- Sleep Duration: how long you slept as observed by sleep scientists.
- Daytime Dysfunction: your amount of sleep mixed in with how well you function during the day.
Practicing Gratitude
Here is an awesome resource, with a free APP :), to get you started on the magical infusion of gratitude in your life.
UNSTUCK: A Practical Guide to Gratitude
You can even get weekly free tips sent right to your email. Seriously, stop whining and start noticing what is going well in your life and you will start to sleep better (an then be less whiny). Even I get whiny at times, but I really try hard to balance my negative thinking with expanding my life view by forcing myself to also see what is going well. Trust me, it works 🙂
Sleep Strategies
Surround your gratitude with healthy sleep habits.
I wish you all a weekend of getting some gratitude swirling around your brain . This is the first step to better snoozing’ 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
References
Wood A.M., Joseph, S., Lloyd, J., Atkins, S. (2009). Gratitude influences sleep through the mechanism of pre-sleep cognitions. Journal of Psychosomatic Research 66 43–48
Whoops! Been Procrastinating? Channel Your Inner Badass!
Well, if you are a student you have probably had a pretty great two weeks of slowly getting back into the academic game and hanging with friends (maybe partying a wee bit too).
But hey, you have had no assignments due, so what’s the rush right?!?
Wait what!??!
How did October get here so quickly!??!
Ok, now that I have your your attention
and your adrenaline is sufficiently high!
There is no need to continue freaking out and making some bad decisions, like pretending that assignments will magically be completed or skipping classes because it lowers your anxiety level. I have some ideas to help you dial down the freakout, channel this energy, use your powers for good and get some traction.
This is the time to SHOW UP IN YOUR OWN LIFE or “Adulting” as some of you like to call it. FYI “adulting” actually means that you have free will, control over your own life, the master of your domain, can make choices on your own, the only one nagging you is you…yada yada…it is a pretty sweet state to be in, so stop the hating and avoiding 😉
Let’s Build an…
Internal Locus of Control
PsychNerd Time!!!
I’m sorry, this nerd just needs to be a wee bit PsychNerdy to make a point 😉
Locus of Control (LOC) is a concept that was developed by a pretty smart social psychologist Dr. Julian Rotter in 1954. It is a social learning theory that has been well tested and still holds up today. LOC considers the tendency of people to believe that control resides internally within them, or externally, with others or the situation.
So I bet you are wondering if you have an internal or external LOC?!?
Maybe not, but stick with me, it is good for you 🙂
Internal LOC
People with a high internal locus of control believe in their own ability to control themselves and influence the world around them. They see their future as being in their own hands and that their own choices lead to success or failure. (Source)
*They believe in their ability to change things.
*They tend to be more confident.
*They can kick their own butts when procrastination gets out of control.
External LOC
People with a high external locus of control believe that control over events and what other people do is outside them, and that they personally have little or no control over such things. They may even believe that others have control over them and that they can do nothing but obey. (Source)
*They tend to view things happening TO them and having little or no control over the situation.
*They tend to passively accept what is happening and do nothing about it.
*They tend to just give up when life gets rough, or until someone kicks their butt for them 😉
Take LOC Test!
This is the first step in understanding your explanatory style, or way understanding the world and being in the world, so that you can start to build resilience (Internal Locus of Control). It is a shift in thinking, reactions and skills.
Whoop There it Is!
*whoops my 90s child slipped out 😉 Just for fun…
Ok, now back to semi-serious stuff. Check out this goal setting system that is scientifically proven to get you moving on your next steps toward badass-ary.
“WOOP” is a strategy that Dr. Gabriele Oettingen, a professor at New York University (NYU) and her colleagues developed. It is a scientific badass approach to getting your life on track and reaching your goals. WOOP stands for…
Wish
Outcome
Obstacle
Plan
*The less-catchy term is “mental contrasting.” Ok, no more nerdy stuff from me 😉
Getting Starting WOOPing
Listen to This
“WOOP: 4 Steps to Achieve Your Goals”
Watch This
Read This
WOOP In My Life
Tell me stories about your badassary!
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
Resilience: Starting School With a Kick Butt Attitude!
Happy ACADEMIC NEW YEAR!!!
What I love most about working in a college is the September fresh start. The exciting beginning of something new, the wonderful feeling of “I’ve got this!”, “it’s gonna be different this year”, “I’m going to be way more organized this time”. You get the chance to try new strategies which will take a wee bit more effort than just positive thinking. You have to do things differently if you want a different outcome.
The biggest risk to your success is the mental baggage that you are carrying around, probably subconsciously, in that wonderful brain of yours.
Often the focus is on all of your…
…and virtually none of the positive things that you have done to get this far in life and all the way to college! Good work BTW 🙂
So, I wanted to start this academic year off by kicking the butt of self-doubt and procrastination hard with mind control….mahwahahaha >;)
No seriously, we can master our minds!
The first challenge I have for you is to begin the process of thinking about failure in a different way. To get you started on this epic mind shift, start by working on thinking about failure in a different way, like these successful folks do.
Don’t Give Up!
One of the most important skills to build on your road to achieving your goals is resilience. Before you apply your time management strategies, before you start attacking your textbook readings, even before you start your classes, start thinking about building a mindset that is ready for the resilience building journey.
PsycNerdy Time!
In modern research psychology it has become popular to use the word GRIT to describe a form of resilience. Dr. Angela Duckworth is a pretty incredible social psychology researcher on GRIT and she describes it as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” I think it takes resilience to bounce back from failure to persevere through adversity and maintain your focus and passion on the path toward your goals. If you want to learn more about GRIT, check out her TedTalk!
Courage, bravery, backbone, spirit, “strength of character”, willful, moral fiber, nerve, fortitude, toughness, hardiness, resolve, resolution, determination, tenacity, perseverance, endurance, guts & spunk!
“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving,
we get stronger and more resilient”
Let’s Get GRITTY and Resilient!
I want to use this awesome award winning video short created by Alan Barillaro, a Canadian and a Sheridan College graduate. The short involves a hungry baby sandpiper learning to overcome her fear of the water.
This video is such a brilliant way to show how people can learn their way through their fears and create the opportunity to develop to their fullest potential.
Build Resilience, Prepare Your Brain!
Think about a time in your life that was particularly challenging or demanding, especially one that was difficult emotionally. Think about how you handled that situation and eventually came through on the other side.
Answer these questions:
- What was your goal?
- What was the outcome?
- What obstacles did you have to overcome?
- What unpleasant feelings and thoughts do you remember having in the situation?
- Who, if anyone, did you receive external help and support from?
- What specific attitudes and skills helped you cope with the situation?
- How would you rate your resilience in that situation?
- Why wasn’t it 0%?
- What strengths and personal qualities helped you?
- If it wasn’t 100%, how could your resilience be improved during similar situations in the future?
- Based on your experience how might you advise someone else to cope with a similar situation in the future?
Since life is not going to get any easier, we need to get stronger to deal with it.
The big secret to success is sticking around long enough to see all your hard work turn into something great. Essentially, getting your butt handed to you and saying, “ok, that happened, sigh, now what do I need to do next?”
Please feel comfortable emailing me or commenting on this post. I love hearing your feedback and suggestions for topics!
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
Wanna Career?!? #Resilience #GRIT #Goal Setting #Adulting
So, most students are now off for the summer and savouring the break from the relentless academic grind. I think now is the perfect time to work on those non-academic skills that help you successfully complete your program and transition to the workplace….eventually.
The Canadian Conference Board of Canada created this beautiful little document summarizing the skills that employers are looking for. This is the skillset that you want to start building if you want to become employable and in the drivers seat of your life. Wanna drive?!? Well, start building your skills in the following areas: Academic Skills, Personal Management Skills and Teamwork Skills.
Ok, now you know, no excuses 😉
Yes, I know, life can feel overwhelming (me today) at times, it can feel like you were just not born with the natural ability (neither was I), it can feel like you will never have what it takes to finish your program (I grew past this with practice and experience, and a wee bit of whining sometimes!)….
Well, if you have been following me for a while, or you know me from the college, you probably know what I am going to say next 😉
Feelings are NOT facts!
…let’s get our “Wise Mind” kicked into gear so that we can build these skills!
*Check out one of my previous posts for more information about your Wise Mind.
The best way to get into your Wise Mind, and get building those skills, is to listen to both your Emotional Mind and your Rational Mind. Tell them both to cooperate!
Emotional Mind: “I have NO idea where to start! EEEEeeeek!” (probably some swearing is inserted here, or negative words about yourself)
Rational Mind: “There is an actual list from some smart researchers that tell me what I need to work on to increase my employability”
Wise Mind: “Ok, breathe, you got this, breathe, start at the beginning and take it step-by-step…sigh…breathe…Step #1, Personal Management Skills”
Personal Management Skills
I have matched some, not all, of my previous posts that can help you to build the skills that employers are looking for.
Positive Attitudes and Behaviours
- Self-Concept: Yes, How You Feel About Yourself and Your Ability Does Effect Your Success
- Academic Self-Efficacy: Upgrading Your NeckTop Computer
- Perseverance, GRIT, Follow-Through: a.k.a “White-Knuckling it” Through Tough Times as You Achieve Your Goals
- Transition: Optimal Time to Focus on Personal Wellness
Responsibility
Adaptability
Want to Change Your Attitude?!?!
#StopComplaining #Adaptability #Resilience #YouStandOut #Adulting
…and become the potential employee that everyone wants to work with.
Shoot me a message and tell me about your experiences stretching yourself to grow into the successful student and future employee you want to be! #ReactWell
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
Apps, Apps, Apps: Little Tech Wonders That Leave Us Wondering
Apps!
The Solution to All of Your Problems.
…ok, maybe, but how do I use them?!?
I am definitely guilty of suggesting apps to people without sending along some tips to make using them effective and easy. I have learned that simply suggesting an app to use is not enough. Teaching people how to integrate the technology into their lives is the key to benefitting from what the app has to offer. Any lasting change needs to become part your daily life and your way of being in the world. My suggestion is to be patient, take small steps, be kind when you forget (or fall right off that wagon!) and know that it is only the direction that you are heading, not how fast you get there, that is important
How to
an App into Your Life
I scoured the web to see if there was any information about how to integrate the use of an App into our lives. I found nuthin’, nil, zero, nil, zilch, zip, nada, diddly-squat…
What I did find was a bunch of brilliant lists of suggestions, which is super exciting, but with no tips on the “how” part. So, once you start using these review/suggestion sites, you can find a plethora (I know! cool word!) of app ideas, the next step is to figure out how to use the app and integrate it into your life so that it can create the benefits that you are looking for.
Tips n’ Suggestions
Goal Setting
You really need to start with a goal. Goals are what help us get through the painful times. When you feel stuck, you need to be clear about WHY you are doing all this yucky stuff, the stuff that you are procrastinating about, the slogging.
Ask yourself the following: What is it that I want to improve? Why is this important to me? How will this help me to get where I am going and create the life that I want? Where will I insert this change strategy in my life (practice times)?
Here are a few goal setting posts of mine to get you started:
- SMART Goal Setting Tip Sheet
- Emotional Intelligence Building – Self Actualization “Goal Setting”
- Motivation: When Goal Setting is Not Enough
- Goal Setting: Why am I Doing This Again?!?!
- Goal Setting: Pain + Fun = Motivation
Readiness to Change
First and foremost, you need to be ready to change, to grow and take on the sometimes scary task of moving forward with no idea about what the path and outcome will be like. Change is hard; “deciding” to change is the first step.
- Check out a previous post of mine to help you understand your readiness level: Stages of Change
Self Knowledge
It is important to have an understanding of how YOU work. What your preferences are. There is a personality assessment called the Myers-Brigges Personalty Temperament (MBTI) that is a great place to start on the path to understanding your way of being in this word that is most effective.
Quick explanation of the MBTI…there are 4 scales on the MBTI:
- Extroversion (E) – Introversion (I): Favourite World – Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world?
- Sensing (S) – Intuition (N): Information – Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning?
- Thinking (T) – Feeling (F): Decisions – When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances?
- Judging (J) – Perceiving (P): Structure – In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options?
Free! Take a free version of the MBTI online: CLICK HERE
J-P Scale Interpretation for Life Change:
Judging – Perceiving Scale: The best scale to focus on to help you understand what your ideal circumstances needed to change your behaviour; structure vs flexibility.
With Judgers:
When integrating an app into your life…
- Create a timetable and stick to it.
- Allow time to prepare and learn about the app, the features, how it works in your life, what your goals are, etc.
- Select an app that has the option to show your achievements and results. Take time to notice how far you have come, your progress, decisions, self-knowledge and behaviour change reached so far.
- Set smaller goals that lead to your larger goal. Create milestones.
With Perceivers:
When integrating an app into your life…
- Allow time for things to flow, not necessarily following your calendar, but still be dedicated to “keep trying”.
- Try new new ideas to create possibilities.
- Know that you need time to reflect and be creative.
- Use this app in a way that encourages personal freedom and choice (use some features and not others).
- Realize changes in direction are not necessarily impulsiveness
Persistence
It takes time to change! Please don’t just try something once and then abandon it. If you are serious about personal growth, you need to allow time for your brain to change and create the neural pathways needed to build this new habit. It can take anywhere from 21 days, to 40 days to 245 days, depending on the person, the habit and the circumstances needed to have the new behaviour stick around. Source: University College of London
- Check out this post by a fellow blogger for more information about building habits: The 21 Days to Build a Habit Myth
Integration
Integrating the use of the technology into your life is the key to staying power. If you really want to change, you need to make the commitment to fitting in the strategies, the steps and maintaining the stamina. Yes, my, just now brain brilliance (temporary) approach: 3S’s…SSS! Follow the suggestions above and you will find yourself closer to actually making the app’s wisdom play a positive role in your life.
Mindset
Make a Mash up!
A mashup is a song or composition created by blending two or more pre-recorded songs, usually by overlaying the vocal track of one song seamlessly over the instrumental track of another, to the extent that such works are “transformative” of original content.
Source: Wikipedia
Just like your favourite mashup songs, integrate apps into your life with the same philosopical approach. Find the best parts and create something even better that is more personalized to you and your learning goals.
Get Started with This App!
Happy App-ing!
Feel free to message me if you would like some suggestions for apps to try around mental health & wellness 🙂
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Counsellor * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
Motivation, Motiva, Mot: ZZZZZzzzz Huh?! Wait What?!?!
Shout Out to All College Students!
The semester is coming to an end and likely, so to is your motivation to keep on task. Oh how I remember the semester end so well. I just lost all my drive and energy to conquer the intense feeling of being overwhelmed all the time.
I would go through rapid cycles (and sometimes still do) of “ok, I can do this, no problem, I got this” to “I just want to quit!!!!” I was consumed with thoughts of wanting the relentless pain, and lack of sleep, to end. I just wanted a life without constant negative mental chatter, the mental nagging (“you should, should, should…”) and immense pressure to do well (or at least finish).
I thought the timing was right to share the various things that have worked for me during these very challenging times. Yes, I still do all of these things at various times in my life, because they work. I am defiantly not one of those people who gives advice that I do not take. I walk the walk. I suck it up and do what it takes. I feel stronger and better for having pushed myself. The more I rise to the challenge, the easier it has been to deal with future challenges.
Take a moment and grow your resilience, lean into your life, roll up your sleeves and move toward strength and resilience. Below are some Tips, Tricks and Hacks that I recommend for getting you through this heinous, painful, overwhelmed moment in your life. Yes, moment…it will not be forever….feels like it…but…feelings are not facts 😉
I will start with organizing the motivation enhancement hacks into two categories: Mindset and Perseverance.
You can’t get anywhere if your mindset is working against you and your mindset alone in not enough, you actually need to stop thinking about something and just do it.
MINDSET
- Wise Mind: Foster a Wise Mind. Get your Thinking Mind and Your Emotional Mind to smarten up and be friends and work together toward the wisdom it is going to take to get stuff done.
- Tweak Your State of Mind:
- Do things deliberately to change your state of mind. If you are feeling low, do things that elevate your mood. Get Started with the Following Ideas: “22 Ways to Change Your State of Mind“.
- Use motivational quotes to shift your thinking and offer a wider perspective.
- Use positive imagery. Imagine yourself at the end of exams. Are you proud of yourself for persevering? Imagine all the times that you wanted to quit and didn’t.
- Perspective:
- This pain is temporary! “This too shall pass” is what I hear when my inner 4 year old starts tantruming and saying “I don’t wanna…whaaaaaa”. I move to “seriously, Heather, you are way to old for this whining, stop this, get it done, you are being a baby”. I would feel way worse, in the long run, if I just quit. I know this because I have quit in the past and regretted it.
- Opportunity Focus: This is an opportunity to build, grow, become more resilient and to see what you are made of. I believe that we are who we are in the tough times, so work on building your strengths and be awesome in the times where adversity comes along and sucker punches you.
- Personal Responsibility: Show up in your own life. Be the main character in your story. Work first, play later. Start adulting! Yes, this is not just a message for young people because many of us 40+ year olds fight being an adult too sometimes 😉 Do what you know you need to do, not just what you “feel” like doing. Don’t wait for others to do it for you, or to motivate you. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, do it now.
- Bolster Your Self-Efficacy: This is about building a positive believe about yourself and your abilities. Carve out a moment in your chaotic life to reflect on what you have done well in the past, examples of where you wanted to give up but you didn’t, take an inventory of what comes easily to you and just take the time to purely notice what is actually going well in your life.
PERSEVERANCE
- Make a Plan: Set goals, big and then smaller steps toward those goals. Take on bite sized pieces, take breaks and reward yourself. If you try to do too much too fast then you will burn yourself out or you will make so much work for yourself that it will be hard to even get started.
- Stay Active: When you keep your momentum going by keeping yourself on track, following your plan, you will find that the momentum you have is much easer to maintain….because science says so 😉
Newton’s first law of motion – sometimes referred to as the law of inertia. An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. BE THE BODY IN MOTION! Avoid the unbalanced force of distraction, doubt and negative thinking.
- Hang Around With Motivated People: Study with people who are good for you, that you can learn from, that are feeling overwhelmed like you but work hard to remain in their wise mind and just get work done. These people can become role models who inspire you to push yourself beyond what you thought you were capable of. This is the quintessential story of my life. I am a people watcher (a.k.a vicarious learner) and I have managed to take what I witness and put it into action in my own life.
- Do The Hardest Thing First: Seriously! It is the thing that you dread the most that is killing your confidence. That BIG chunk of work that is sapping your motivation to get started. Often this is just in your head and how you see this task. Shut off your judgemental and fearful thoughts and get going on this task, in small manageable pieces, step-by-step, until it is done. Just do your best in that situation, with the time that you have. It is better to hand something in rather than nothing.
- Make It Fun: check out a previous blog post: Pain + Fun = Motivation
Some of My Favs
Motivational Quotes That Kick My Butt into Action
“The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow” – Unknown Author
“Fall down 7 times, Stand up 8” – Chinese Proverb
“Dont’ stop when you are tired, stop when you are done” – Unknown Author
“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire” – Unknown Author
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear–not absence of fear.” —Mark Twain
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” —Jim Rohn
“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” —Wayne Dyer
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” —Margaret Thatcher
“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can hinder or
control the firm resolve of a determined soul.” –Ella Wheeler Wilcox
“There is no traffic jam along the extra mile.” —Roger Staubach
“Adversity can change you for the better, if you let it”
Known to be said by me, to many of my students. Sometimes they roll their eyes, but sometimes they take the advice and become the main character of their story.
Now get out there, shut off your critical mind, get some momentum, work first and play later and just get ‘er dun!
*Today’s blog post was brought to you by a very under motivated person who used GRITTY strategies to make it to the finish line 😉
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Counsellor * Passionate Advocate for Student Success
heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca
Resources:
- Motivation Strategies That Work
- 27 Motivational Strategies
- 4 Strategies That Build Lasting Motivation
- 100 Motivational Quotes That Will Inspire You to Succeed
