This can be a difficult mindset to develop, but it is definitely easier to live as the person who “leans into their life”, solves their own problems, makes stuff happen and navigates their life from the helm. There is so much truth to the advice “it gets hard before it gets easier”. This involves learning to bounce back from failures, developing flexibility in your thinking, finding solutions to your problems and building your assertiveness skills.
Wait, what? Aren’t assertive people BORN assertive?!?! you ask..
Well, no actually! Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive; and; in the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it considered a highly learnable skill and mode of communication. So ha! yes, yet again I am pushing you to build the skills that you need to be the most successful version of yourself. Yup, what a meanie I am 😉
Want to be more assertive so that you can have better control over your life?
Check this out
Here are some guiding questions to get you thinking about what it really means to fully show up in your life.
Where are you showing up in your life?
Start with understanding where you feel the most at ease being your full self and then ask “why don’t I feel this in all aspects of my life?”
How do you show up in your life?
Do you tend to be cautious and hesitant in your life, perhaps waiting for others to do things for you? Showing up in your life with 100% effort is the only way to go. Whatever you do, wherever you go, be fully present and ready to show up BIG. Solve your problems, learn new ways of coping or thriving and design your life.
What keeps you from showing up?
Maybe you feel insecure or uncertain about how others perceive you. It’s almost always our own negative self-perceptions that block us from being our true selves, and showing up in the world. Acknowledge these fears and work with them. Experiment with new ways of doing things.
What does it mean for you to show up?
The idea of truly showing up in your life can be scary and invoke a sense of panic. Fears around not being accepted or acknowledged run deep in our bones. Showing up in your life now means trusting that you are enough, and that you offer value on many levels. Yes, you are interesting!
Where can’t you show up?
We all have limitations so be realistic about the places that are impossible for you to show up. Sometimes avoidance, being quiet or simply observing can be all that you need to be present and assertive in that moment.
Please check out this amazing and inspirational TedTalk, “Living Beyond Limits” presented by Amy Purdy. I challenge you to use 9 minutes of your time to change your mindset. You will be inspired.
If life were a book, and you were the author, how would you want your story to go?
Assertiveness and Self-Confidence…
…are really great friends…
Here are some statements to help you get into the right frame of mind for writing your own story; making your life happen as you create it.
The “Assertiveness Bill of Rights” can really help you to develop a thinking framework that can shift you to a more self-respectful approach to your life, in balance with respect for others. This mindset shift can also help you to “lean into your life” and make your life happen and your story come alive.
To start building assertiveness, start with asking yourself the following questions:
If you said “no” to any of the above questions, ask yourself “is this something I want to change in my life?” and if so, “what small steps am I willing to take?”
What do you want yours to look like?
Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)
eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success