Stressed?!!? Well Let’s Start With ‘Feelings are NOT Facts’

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Feelings are Not Facts.png

Drowning in your feelings? Feeling overwhelmed?

I was going to write about study strategies today; however, I have been completely overwhelmed by the emotional pain my students have been experiencing lately. So, I thought that maybe study strategies would be a wee bit too lame of a topic under the circumstances. I have decided to share the perspective, the strategies and the experience of others (you are definitely not alone in this) that happen every day in my counselling office. Why should all this great information stay in a counselling box?!?! …me thinks…

So…Here I go…

Emotions, Emotions, Emotions

Blah, blah, blah…what are these feelings you speak of?!? Well…let’s start here:

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Emotional State

Yes, emotions can be VERY scary. I am not saying that they are not or that you shouldn’t “feel” a certain way. What I am doing is challenging you with the following questions: How do you want to react to the emotions? How do you want to live your life? What emotional house do you want to live in?

Yes, you have a choice.

A choice that requires a bunch of commitment and work. It is not easy, but I assure you the hard and scary change/growth work is well worth the struggle to get there. I do this every day in my own life. It gets so much easer with practice, so much so it has become a habit for me. I get it, it’s hard, but come on! Give it a go. What do you really have to lose? Oh, yeah, you may lose the constant suffering version of yourself. It all seriousness, this can be a hard shift. But still, let’s imagine a different life experience.

Let’s start with a seemingly simple formula that I will base the rest of this post on:

Emotional State + Emotion Regulation =

Pretty Awesome State of Personal Empowermenttemper-tantrum-girl

I love this graphic! This little cutie pretty much says it all.
This is often the look I get when I am talking about the possibility of change with my students.

Yup, Getting PsychNerdy on Y’all Again!

Brain Nerd

Just sharing the “FACTS” about emotion regulation, just to let you know that it is really possible 😉 Science says so!

There is some pretty great recent research looking at a bunch of different findings combined all together in a beautiful Regulatory Flexibility model. Ok, that is psychnerdy speak for taking all the best stuff and mushing it together in a way that people can understand and use easily in research and in their lives.

People respond to stressful events in different ways, depending on the event and on the regulatory strategies they choose. Coping and emotion regulation theorists have proposed dynamic models in which these two factors, the person and the situation, interact over time to inform adaptation. Source: Regulatory Flexibility: An Individual Differences Perspective on Coping and Emotion Regulation by George A. Bonanno & Charles L. Burton

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Translation of Fig.1: So you have a stressful event in your life, you look at what it will take to work through it and decide if you can handle it, you then start using your coping skills, then decide if the strategy solved your problem or not. The flexibility part comes in as you keep on persevering and/or trying different strategies to cope. This is how you build resilience and adapt beautifully in life.


So now what? You ask!?!

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Here are some coping skills to throw into this Regulatory Flexibility model 🙂


Emotion Regulation Strategiesemotion-surfing

Let’s build some…

Mindfulness Practice

Distress Tolerance Skills

Emotion Regulation Strategies

“We are not responsible for what breaks us, but we can be responsible for what puts us back together again. Naming the hurt is how we begin to repair our broken parts.” – Desmond Tutu, The book of Forgiving


EMOTIONS (What FEELS True) + EVIDENCE (What is ACTUALLY True) =

Balanced Approach to Examining Information

*Don’t rely on how you feel alone. Feelings are great, but on their own, they may not be completely accurate in terms of the message being sent. Just because you feel it does NOT make it true. Look for the evidence.


Recipe for Writing a New Chapter in Your Life Story

Start with taking responsibility for your life.

“If you couldToday.jpg kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”― Theodore Roosevelt


…Then start writing a new story.

“If you own this story you get to write the ending.” ― Brené Brown

Writing prompts…

“I am a person who feels lots of things but they don’t define me. I am a person who takes responsibility for my own life and experience. I am a person who will work hard to create a life I love. I am….”

Here are some tools to get you started on creating a new life story:

Your life is your story. Write it well and edit often!


My Advice On …

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Take a deep breath, and then another one, foster a self-compassionate mindset, examine those feelings and don’t assume they are facts.


Please don’t ever feel that I don’t want to hear your thoughts…I do! Send ’em along 🙂

Dr. Heather Drummond, EdD (Counselling Psychology)

eSuccess-Coach * Passionate Advocate for Student Success

heather.drummond@mohawkcollege.ca

6 thoughts on “Stressed?!!? Well Let’s Start With ‘Feelings are NOT Facts’

    Thao Nguyen said:
    February 3, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    Hi Heather,

    Thanks so much for this post ❤ It came to me at the perfect time because I am definitely feeling the stresses of student life. After reading about the Emotion Regulation Strategies, I am reminded to take some deep breaths and look at the bigger picture. I feel very lucky to have been in your workshop on Day One!

    Thank you for writing this blog and being a positive role model for us all 🙂

    Also, the link for Emotion Regulation Strategies opens the Distress Tolerance Skills page again. I'm not sure if that's just me or if it's an accident.

    All the best,

    Thao

    Liked by 1 person

      Dr. Heather Drummond responded:
      February 3, 2017 at 1:17 pm

      Hi Thao,

      Wow! Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback! I am so glad that this post showed up for you at exactly the right time. If you ever want to book an appointment with me, feel free to email me. I would love to get to know the lovely person behind such kind comments. You made my day 🙂

      P.S. Thanks so much for letting me know about the link. You are a lifesaver…I would have never known.

      I wish you the best of the weekend ❤

      Heather

      Like

    Alana said:
    February 3, 2017 at 12:23 pm

    Good stuff! 💕SSA

    Liked by 1 person

    Mel said:
    February 4, 2017 at 12:44 am

    Hey Heather!!

    What a great post!! 😉 With some awesome resources and strategies!! I will definitely be utilizing them, that’s for sure! The quotes you listed in this post were great!

    Have a lovely weekend!! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

      Dr. Heather Drummond responded:
      February 4, 2017 at 9:28 am

      Thanks so much Mel! I am so glad this post was helpful! Your feedback is so valuable, it lets me know what works, what connects and what makes sense for people. So a huge thank you to you! Have an awesome restful weekend 🙂

      Like

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